Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
The put things in order organizational biocomputer operating system function. Everything neat and carefully organized in categories with labels. Efficiency, order. It's a thing required of you to excel at pretty much anything worthwhile, all you have to do is click it. It is more than just a desire to keep things organized, your very thinking is naturally more organized, everything about you you wish to be organized, you know falling out of either of these will hurt you. As long as you're smart enough to know how to use your brain and the reality before it, it can never hurt you.
It does end on compulsive tweak outs, if you think you have the obsessive tendencies without the compulsions, they are in there somewhere you just don't necessarily use them. If you think "I just like things neat and organized, there's no way within me is a person who needs to turn the light on and off eight times when I exit a room or else my family dies." There is, as a person who thought he had the smallest most insignificant amount of OCD in him, after PTSD I saw it climb... Basically to the level of that but mostly kept together, I didn't let people see it. After releasing myself from the PTSD I also released myself from those feelings. Those people are always OCD meets trauma people, and the worst is when those people are God believers. There is actually no such thing as "the smallest most insignificant amount of OCD." There are no varying levels of obsessive compulsive disorder, just varying levels of how far you enjoy taking the addiction.
Obsessive compulsive disorder shows itself just after infancy. A weird little feeling inside of you that you just want to gnnaah at. Find ways to iron out the subtle discomfort inside of you with the things you are discovering you can do with your mind and body. Mine was getting on all fours and pushing my head against the carpet around my grandparent's expansive open living room going "Geegogeegogeegogeegogeego." Weird child, apparently. They may have had me on that one, but they still didn't get it.
All OCD urges can be entirely overridden with internal work, you can customize which aspects of the OCD you wish to engage in. As you now know, feeling completely totally locked into your OCD ritual structure with no way out is always due to something serious improperly compartmentalized. In those moments where you know you're not entirely fucked up but still you feel you need to give into the urge, it's due to anxiety, something is stressing you out, it may be tucked away in your compartmentalization. This doesn't mean every time the urge is significant, just those moments of "I know the oven is off. There is a really clear memory of me turning the oven off. But now it's occurred to me and there is absolutely no way I can just go on with my life without checking the oven."
If you've trauma clicked, it locks, it locks and it proves itself. Checking again... That's the same as the first time I remember turning it off. It's the same thing. I can get up and do it again. Same thing. I could do this all night I have no way out. Tweak. Tweak. Tweak. Tweak. Tweak.
There's the urge to remain in comfortable normal, even when the comfortable normal fucking sucks. You know you're at breaking point within the normal and yet inside of you there's a tiny little "I hope things stay this way forever. Maybe in two years I'll kill myself." You know you don't need it, you know you don't need to pay attention to it, there isn't even anything frightening about breaking the normal it's just a stupid little mental background noise. You can totally live a life of embracing the exciting change whenever it comes, craving the change, while simultaneously having this feeling kind of sitting there in the background not even being looked at.
That's all OCD needs to be, little mental triggers that you can choose whether or not to pay attention to, there's no need to hold any emotional attachment to any of them. You can be OUTSIDE... The system.